Softness Between the Clashing of Steel

It’s getting colder, the holidays are around the corner, and people kind of stop coming to their martial arts classes. It’s not a rule, but it’s certainly a trend.

I was waiting for someone (anyone) to show up for a class, and 10 minutes after the scheduled start time, two people showed up. One was a student who had been coming for a couple of months, and he’d brought a friend.

I gave them a private lesson, and they both seemed to enjoy it. The friend said she’d had a lot of fun and wanted to come back every week.

One week passed, and sure enough, they were back. I thanked them for returning, and she responded with, “Of course I came back, he’s my boyfriend.”

“But I wasn’t last week,” he said with a smile.

I hadn’t known it, but the private sword lesson had been a rather successful date. I was thrilled!

Swords are aggressive, dangerous, and historically represent violence. But there is room for softness in between the clashing of steel. There is room for friendship, joy, and love.

The friendships I’ve begun to build since studying HEMA (historical European martial arts) are just incredible. My HEMA club (which was established far before I arrived) is rooted in community and creates a space for whoever wants to join or visit. This means a little extra work in terms of class scheduling, gear sizes, physical space, etc… and I think it’s very much worth it. Because when everyone feels genuinely welcomed, valued, and seen, there is a sense of meaning that can’t be duplicated.

Personally, I find joy in knowing what my body can do despite my health issues and habits. I protect the time dedicated to my classes, and I am so very close to pulling off a push-up for the first time in my life. I enjoy the look on people’s faces when I tell them that I do longsword. I have a lot of fun wearing pink to a sport that is often restricted to black or white. And in a broader culture that profits from our misery, illnesses, and loneliness… our joy is invaluable.

Finding love in a hobby isn’t new. It’s deeply human. What we do in our free time to feed our individual and communal souls is critical to the human experience. Hobbies build identity and self-love through accomplishment, even if it’s not accomplished well. Victory is not a requirement for love, and thank goodness for that.

So as the days get shorter and the weather gets colder, I invite you to discover (or rediscover) the hobbies that bring you friendship, joy, and love. Get cozy. Tuck in. And fight for it if you must.