Unlearning with Longsword

I'd been holding my sword incorrectly. My wrist was at the wrong angle, and it made my attacks slower. So I'm unlearning how to hold my sword.

It's not easy. I have to think about it. It feels wrong. I am really comfortable holding my sword in an inefficient and potentially harmful way. Unlearning is an active way of being that requires conscious effort. 

And, if I can unlearn, I will be even better. 

This isn't just about swords, though. I'm constantly unlearning the role that I'd played to perfection for society. The role was to be silent, invisible, and successful, while being obviously different from my peers. 

Longswords don't let you be silent, invisible, or successful (at first). Longswords go against everything my role trained me to be, which is why they can help me unlearn so quickly. They made me spin around and see life from a completely different angle.

The hardest one for me to unlearn is success. I'm not used to picking fights I cannot win. I'm not even used to competing with other people other than myself. 

I'm not an expert in longsword. I am an expert in fighting myself. 

And honestly, I'd rather be better at longsword. 

Longsword, as antithetical as it sounds, has been a catalyst for my journey towards self-love. If I can unlearn things about longsword… I can also unlearn things about myself. For example, I'm unlearning that: 

• The sword is only for certain bodies. 

• The sword is violent. 

• The sword is a fantasy weapon. 

  
  

I am also unlearning:

• How to fight with myself 

• How to be successful by society's standards 

• How to hold my sword 

Once I knew how to hold my sword, I could fight for myself instead of with myself. Unlearning isn't about forgetting, because nothing is lost in the process. It is about expanding, inclusion, and growth. 

What's even better is that I know how to hold it incorrectly. When I see one of my students holding it the same way that I once did, I can help them grow, too. 

Unlearning begins with myself, and then it expands beyond. My efforts ripple out, and I want those efforts to be rooted in growth and love whenever possible. It's not easy. I have to think about it. Sometimes it just feels wrong. And at the same time, it can feel very right.